Star in the Sky

Saturday, October 11, 2003:

Dear Diary,
well here we are. 6 papers down, 4 to go.

This week, i decided that i will no longer kill myself studying. i will no longer not sleep at night, not take a break during my free periods, and only sleep for 3 hours in the evening.
I blanked out during my SS paper. the chapter i studied my brains out for--i just blanked out. i've decided to believe sharm and Mrs Kunna. The amount of sleep you get is directly proportional to how much you can remember.

Why is it i only learn the hard way.

I nearly fainted during my emaths papers yesterday (friday the 10th). Its terrifying. to look up at the clock and literally see stars and little black wisps floating around the place.
its terrifying to look down at your paper and panic as the black wisps start enveloping you.
i dont know how i made it through the rest of the paper. By failing section C, probably. Snort. i never thought i'd say the word fail and maths in one sentence.

Stray cats tug at my hearstrings.
I remember that cat i used to see on the way to and from school every single day, along the stretch of road outside the old school. I still walk by that way everyday but i dont see it anymore.
I remember having a hard time walking past it because it mewed that first week.
i remember stopping the next week, because i simply coudln't bear to walk on.
i remeber being absolutely stupid and playing with it for 10mins after school. dangerous.

Today i had to stop myself picking up and hugging this other cat that followed me when i went to buy a drink, near home. I couldn't bear not to stop so i stood while the cat went in circles round me. Having a cat rub its head aginst my ankle makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
i could hardly bear to turn around and go home after that.

Me // 6:45 AM


Monday, October 06, 2003:

Dear Diary,

ladeedah! Today's been. well. relaxing--so far anyway, but the night is young, unfortunately.
5 free periods in a day of 10 periods is fun.
Blinding, inexplicable headaches that return every day are not. I read that suicidal people are prone to blinding inexplicable recurring headaches. Never been suicidal--there are too many things to live for--so thats just confirmation that this is probably brought on by sleep. the lack thereof, that is.
I miss Ro. my darling Rorororo miss her.and i still dont know what amazing Saleh looks like.

Why is it that every year, i have one friend who's going to acjc, is completely unhappy about it and acts as though the world is coming to an end. Preetham, and now hongxuan. -laugh- well thats probably where the likeness ends, thank heavens.

I'm calmer today. I also had two bars of chocolate and feel disgusting. but thats fine. if one must be a pig, one should pig on the food of life.

I'm about to start talking rubbish. blub blub blub.

Its nice to know that i'm not completely difficult to please. Perhaps i am quite an annoying little brat about schoolwork, but if seeing my friends and chatting to them for as little as 15 mins can brighten up my day then. well. i may not have my priorities all wrong after all.

khush. 2200

Me // 6:58 AM


Sunday, October 05, 2003:

Dear Diary,
I've lived through one more week! and an almost completely crappy one, at that.
Just for routine's sake, here's a boring little summary of my week:
Monday 29thSept: English Finals. Wrote stupid argumentative essay on censorship in Singapore. Think did better during my mid years, on whether or not beauty paegants degrade women. hmph. Comprehension was interesting enough--love historyish passages--though i started tripping along the questions for the second passage. Came home and had a glorious afternoon being chyna. and i'm actually not being sarcastic *whee!*

Tuesday 30th sept: Gen's birthday. Cant remember much happening during the day itself,Cept boring double geog on map reading. puts me to sleep. Unfortunately for me i fell asleep after tuition and woke up at 9pm. very bad. studied till three in the morning--i think mum had a heartattack when she walked in on me wrapping grace's present at 245am. oops. got lots of work done though.

Wed 1st oct: Gracey's birthday!! wheeeee....went looking for her before classes started and gave her the stuff i got her. An image of her smile in the morning when i squealed, hugged her and sang happy birthday in st gabe's sticks. She looked so happy. fell asleep almost immediately upon getting back home, woke up a while before going to see Sush and Sangeetha off. Is v bad to be told "its 7" when you groggily wake up. specially if youve been dreaming about school and the sky looks the same as it does at 7 in the morning.
seeing the two of them off was very sad. I was too busy crying when Ro left to really think about what it meant in the long run. i only thought about the fact she was goinggoinggoing and i wanted her to stay. One year on, i realise that--like sush and sang's families--we are still the people she loves, but we're no longer part of her daily life. we're part of her holiday, seeing us is a rarity, not something that comes with opening her eyes in the morning. And one year on, i cried for the life i had with my sister till i turned 14.

Thu 2nd oct
Boring. Double physics on electromagnetic spectrum and wave properties long long lesson. Forced myself not to sleep in the evening--to study till midnight and sleep till i had to go to school. THis i did successfully. unfortunately i was even more tired than i usually am on fridays

Fri 3rd oct.
crappy crappy and crappier. Chem CA sucked. was generally crabby and tetchy till aft Sch, when whiled away afternoon in aep studio being taught trigo and gossiping with sharm.

Sat 4th Oct: the morning was dismal but in the aftnn Sharm's mum called and said she was organising a surprise birthday party for sharm. Rounded the others up and we showed up at her place around 730pm. Whee! she was v v surprised and completely thrilled that we did a surprisey thing. The evening was lovely...Sharm Grace Judith Jolyn Denise Tiffany Sandra Rita and I sat around chatting, playing carrum(sp?), tai ti, reading the far side, dancing to baby got back, and playing prank calls on various people at 12 midnight. People include Matthias(who was the most successful target), Hongxuan(the most unsuccessful one), Ivan and Paul lock (who called back and so i just said ahhhhh??? into the phone alot and hung up on him)

Well. perhaps it hasn't been thaaaaat bad a week. mundane of course and the way i write makes it worse. but it was alright.(despite the fact i'm going to do badly for my exams)

Me // 7:07 AM


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